The summer is most certainly over now. October is approaching.
This time seven years ago, my world was in shambles. At the beginning of the year I had thought everything was going great, but sometimes people and situations aren’t always what they seem.
What I had thought was stable and predictable quickly revealed itself to be all one big lie, and I was terrified of what the future was to bring. Around this time, I hadn’t left the house without my mom for two months. I couldn’t answer my phone or the door out of fear. My confidence quickly shut down. I was going to have to leave the house I was in as I could no longer afford anything.
At this time I had no idea what I was going to do, because raising two children by myself under the circumstances seemed impossible. I’d have been a nervous wreck. I wouldn’t have had the emotional stability to give you both what you needed. I would have been confined by fear and worry on a daily basis.
I knew this would not be right for you. But at this time seven years ago, I had no solutions. I was uncertain of everything except one thing: you and your big brother deserved better.
You are going to be seven soon and you’re still a stranger to me, and I to you. I’m so sorry if this ever hurts you. I truly hope it doesn’t.
I’m over here, on the other side of the world right now, seeing pictures of you doing things and wondering how it’s possible that you could be so much like me.
I hope I get to meet you one day.
Read Dear Lucy 5